Diary of a Familiar-in-Training

Yule

2011-12-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

I am so mad!

Apparently last night was the Yule holiday that my witch has been telling me about. But then this silly woman went off to join her other witch friends and celebrated it without me!

She tried to console me by saying that we could get up at dawn to watch the Yule sun rise, but I don’t see what was so special about it. I’m up every morning at dawn and this sun didn’t look any different to me than yesterday’s sun or the one before that.

However…

I got my revenge while she was gone by destroying the Yule village she had set up on one of tabletops in the parlor. Little ceramic villagers don’t run very fast, but I still had fun terrorizing them. One of the residents, in fact, is still cowering under the sofa. I’m betting it will take her until next spring to find and rescue him!

Paper Rituals

2011-12-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

My witch has a new hobby. She brings objects home in bags made of paper, takes them out and proceeds to wrap them in different paper.

Some of the things she brings home in the paper bags are removed and placed in different paper bags. She then stuffs more paper on top so the items inside are buried.

When she’s done, she places them under my tree.

At first I thought it was a marvelous new game that she had created for me. They were under MY tree after all! So I dove into my new playthings and had a glorious time killing the ribbons and pulling the tissue paper out of each of the bags and shredding it.

However, it seems that I was, once more, mistaken. At any rate, I was soundly scolded when she discovered the aftermath of my game. She carefully re-wrapped the objects and found fresh tissue to stuff in the bags. I was then warned to leave them alone.

So, I created my own “Paper Ritual” and took my frustrations out on the roll of thin paper she keeps next to the toilet. HA! Just wait until she finds THAT mess!

Defective Toys

2011-12-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

I’m in trouble.

I was playing in my tree last night and accidentally knocked off and broke some of the toys my witch had hung along the branches for me.

This morning, she was quite annoyed. She didn’t even believe me when I tried to blame the older and slower cats.

And honestly, it wasn’t my fault. Anyone should know better than to make a kitty’s plaything out of such thin glass. I might have cut my little paws!

A Tree for ME

2011-12-03T14:13:00.000-08:00

My witch is WONDERFUL!

Realizing my frustration with the weather outside, she has brought a tree for me INSIDE! Not only that, she has hung all sorts of shiny toys upon its branches for me to play with.

She must not be aware of my amazing ability to see in the dark because she also illuminated the tree with tiny lights. I’d have explained that this was not necessary, but she went to so much trouble (and seemed so pleased with the results) that I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Diversions

2011-11-30T08:27:00.000-08:00

Brrrrr…COLD outside! And the sunlight hours have shrunk so that it’s dark most of the time now. I’m going stir-crazy in the cottage, discovering new heights on the tops of bookshelves and the beams just below the ceiling.

But my witch has cheered me up by announcing that another holiday is eminent. She calls it Yule.

She hauled in a bunch of boxes that were filled with things to adorn the cottage for the event. Always willing to help, I investigated each box thoroughly and pulled out most of their contents for her.

In the process, I may have played with a few of the items. How was I to know that they broke so easily?

All Hallows Eve

2011-11-09T15:35:00.000-08:00

What a busy night this was!

It actually began in the afternoon when my witch and her cronies began decorating the front porch with big round vegetables. Onto these, they carved assorted faces before inserting a candle into each one.

I tried climbing into one of the vegetables just to see if I would fit. (I did.) The witches laughed and insulted me by saying I was “cute”, so I promptly jumped out. After that, it took an hour of bathing to get my fur clean again.

Meanwhile, my mistress and her friends scurried off to the kitchen. Besides making a lovely pork roast for my supper, they amused themselves by concocting great quantities of popcorn balls. I’m not particularly fond of those, but I let them have their fun.

I was, however, curious when they proceeded to pile the balls into a large cauldron that was set by the front door. Around dusk, when hordes of short demons began appearing on the porch, the reason for their mysterious action became clear. The popcorn balls contained a powerful protection magic!

A demon’s attack upon the front door is apparently thwarted when one of these balls is forced upon it and, in a fit of frustration, the evil beings then disappear into the night. My witch is so clever!

As the evening wore on, the demonic assault wound down. I crawled out from behind the sofa. My mistress and her cronies collapsed around the hearth. As you can imagine, we were all exhausted from the frightening ordeal!

I was sitting in the middle of the parlor rug, dazed and reflecting on the night’s events, when one of my witch’s friends remarked, “I do believe Grimalkin sees a ghost! Look how he’s staring toward that corner of the room.”

“Well,” smiled my own witch, “they say that cats will perceive a ghost long before a human does.”

We do?

“Nonsense!” someone else said. “I noticed that spirit hovering over there as soon as we sat down!”

She did?

Now everyone, including yours truly, peered intensely at that particular area of the room.

“I see it too!” another witch piped up eagerly.

I didn’t see anything… but this gave me an idea for a bit of fun. I suddenly leaped in the air, fluffed my tail, arched my back and hissed in the direction of the “ghost” before dashing like mad from the room. I skidded to a halt halfway down the hall, then tiptoed back and peeked around the corner at them.

The witches were all sitting very still and looking at other with eyes the size of ping pong balls. Finally, one of them said in a hesitant voice: “I don’t think this ghost is particularly friendly. Perhaps we should do a Cleansing?”

Target Practice

2011-10-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

Once again, my mistress has seriously underestimated my prowess as a hunter.

Just because I’ve never actually deposited a bird carcass at her feet does NOT mean that I am incapable of catching the twittering things!

However, she has recently installed an entire flock of imitation crows among the branches of a small tree she keeps captive in the living room. I assume she expects me to practice my skills on these?

Hopefully in the morning, when she finds every last one of these feathered fakes demolished, she will learn to regard my abilities in this matter with the proper respect!

Preparing for Samhain

2011-10-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

Today, my witch started decorating for a festival she calls Samhain.

It must be terribly important because it involves lots of boxes being hauled into the living room. From one box came long strings of skeletons that lit up with a hideous green light. They were terribly fierce looking, but I successfully eliminated the threat before my mistress could touch them. Their bony little arms and legs were scattered everywhere by the time I was done.

After that, I examined each item in every box and made sure it was safe for her to handle.

There was a very suspicious looking cat that was covered with black bird feathers of all things! My unsuspecting witch had her back turned when I discovered it. Who knows what might have happened! However, it is now half bald and cowering behind one of the chairs. I’m pretty sure I rendered the demonic thing helpless before it had a chance to attack her.

A Familiar’s work is never done!

Strange Activities

2011-10-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

I’m beginning to suspect that witches are inherently unstable and frighteningly unpredictable.

Let me explain that my mistress is usually rather fastidious when it comes to housekeeping. In my opinion, this is as it should be.

Yesterday, however, instead of dusting the cobwebs from the ceilings of the cottage, she actually stood on a ladder and added TO them. And I’m not speaking about a single strand here and there... Oh no! Great masses of webs are now strung and hung everywhere.

And, instead of sweeping up the dead leaves tracked in from outside, she has deliberately scattered armfuls of them around the tables, across the mantle and even on her altar!

But, here’s the really odd part, kittens: After that, she went OUTSIDE and raked up the leaves that had fallen naturally on the lawn (where they DO belong) and then tidily disposed of them.

The older and slower cats have calmly informed me that this strange madness affects my witch every year around this time. They’ve assured me that in a week or two she will indeed recover.

I wish I could share their confidence. I am determined to keep a very close eye on her for any further signs of suspicious activity…

My Magic Carpet

2011-10-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

For months now my mistress has been swishing her broom around the house on a weekly basis, giving me ample opportunity to master the art of flying.

The results, I’m ashamed to admit, have been a constant disappointment.

HOWEVER, last night I had a revelation!

A young man was visiting and noticed my fondness for sprawling on the throw rug in the middle of the kitchen. My mistress, as usual, was scolding me for being underfoot while she was trying to cook. (It’s a nightly arrangement we have: She scolds. I sprawl and ignore her.)

The young man grabbed the edge of the rug and quickly pulled on it in an attempt to dislodge me. I was too quick for him. I dug in my claws and held on. This was MY rug!

He swung the carpet around the floor of the kitchen, with me on it, in ever widening arcs and rapid circles. My head was spinning as fast as the carpet that I was clinging to. What fun!

Every time I lost my grip and tumbled off, I’d race back to the rug and hop on again! It was The Best Game Ever!

As she neatly sidestepped our movements, my witch commented wryly, “It looks like Grimalkin has a flying carpet!”

I was so astonished that I accidentally rolled off the rug again! Carpets can fly?

Reflecting back, I was certain that, at several moments during our game, my rug had actually left the ground. With growing excitement, I pondered: What if I could command it to fly by myself? The thing was certainly easier to hang on to than a silly old broom. (More comfortable too!)

Shortly after my mistress had gone to bed and the other animals were all snoring, I decided to test my theory. I started at one end of the kitchen, took off at full speed, landed in the middle of the rug.

I found myself sailing across the kitchen floor and into the living room! It was AWESOME!

But there I was stopped. The damned sofa was in my way.

Undaunted, I tried again from another angle. I backed to the edge of the living room and sprinted to the rug.

My rug and I were just on the verge of Lift Off when we crashed again – this time into the raised hearth of the fireplace. I shook my head to clear the celestial vision of stars that I was seeing and climbed off the rug to analyze the situation.

The carpet had definite potential. What we needed was more room. So I sat and thought and then I thought some more. ..

This morning, when my witch woke and wandered out to the kitchen to make coffee, she noticed the absence of the rug. In searching, she found it crumpled by the hearth in the next room. She scratched her head in bewilderment and carried it back to the kitchen.

I never said a word that would enlighten her. I didn’t even mention the fact that I had been up all night Thinking.

However, with YOU, dear Reader, I will share the results of my Thoughts:

I have observed that when the dog has an “accident” on one of the rugs, my mistress cleans it and then takes the rug outside to dry in the sun.

I would hate to soil My Rug. However, the dog is certain to be blamed for the mess and, with my carpet outside, there will be plenty of room for me to get airborn.

A Win/Win Situation, don’t you think?

I’m going to try it!

What to do with a Sick Witch?

2011-10-04T16:08:00.000-07:00

With an entire arsenal of potions and herbs at their fingertips, who’d ever suspect a witch could get sick?

Yet here mine is, red eyed and red nosed, hacking and coughing while filling receptacles with spent tissues that are too yucky for even a dog to dig out and play with. All in all, it’s pretty disgusting.

The Heavens know, I’ve done my best to help!

As she lay in bed, I parked on her chest (where the trouble seemed to be primarily located) and attempted to purr my Healing Magic into her.

Ungrateful wretch! She compared my delicate weight to that of a fat elephant and then had the audacity to sneeze in my face!

A kitty can only take so much. I promptly moved out of range and onto the nice warm area where her head met the pillow. Perhaps from here, I could influence her mind to make the body better? I closed my eyes, meditated and purred.

My mistress was totally uncooperative. She quickly rolled over and dislodged me.

Well! If she insisted on refusing my help and succumbing to her illness, the least she could do was fill my food bowl first and clean the indoor box that she insists I relieve myself in!

However, when I made this gentle suggestion (pressing my nose against hers and meowing loudly to be sure she heard through her diseased haze) she only batted me away and groaned to be left alone.

And so, my fellow kittens, I ask you: What DO you do with a sick witch? I’m at my considerable wit’s end!

Pendulum Games

2011-09-28T08:22:00.001-07:00

My witch has been disturbed lately… pacing back and forth and brooding. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was expecting kittens!

Finally, tonight, she lit some candles on the altar, made some stinky smoke and got out her pendulum. She obviously needed a fun distraction from whatever was worrying her.

For those of you who aren’t aware, a pendulum is a wonderful device that, when suspended between the fingers, swings back and forth and becomes a marvelous game for you and your witch to play together. The game is simple: Once it starts swinging, she tries to hang on to it and you try to snatch it away.

I watched as her pendulum dangled and sparkled in the candlelight. Then, as it began to swing and take on a life of its own… I pounced.

Never was a kitty as ferocious as I! My claws ripped the helpless pendulum from her fingers and then dragged the unwary creature under the table where I swiftly proceeded to kill it.

My witch sighed and picked up its limp corpse. Score one for ME!

She then proceeded to begin Round Two. She held it between her fingers and stared at it…the thing began to move...back and forth and back and forth and… I pounced again! Once more I tore it from her grasp. This time, I made it completely across the room with my victim before she caught us. I was clearly winning!

In a fit of frustration, my mistress put the game back in its box. I had no idea that witches were such sore losers!

Charm Bags

2011-08-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

As I grow older and wiser, my witch has been gradually allowing me to assume some of the more serious responsibilities of a full-fledged Familiar. I naturally assumed that this stage of my training would be filled with excitement and thrilling magical adventures. Imagine my disappointment then upon finding that certain of the tasks assigned to me are, well quite frankly, rather tedious.

For instance, tonight my mistress permitted me to accompany her to the Herb Room where she conducts most of her magic.

As I perched on the big round altar table, she informed me that we’d be making charm bags. My role, she said, was to concentrate my powers on the bags as she filled them, thus adding my magic to hers. No problem!

So I focused very hard on thoughts of Friendship as she took a bag and added a pink rock, a rose bud, a silver doodad of some sort and… I began to yawn and my eyes closed for a moment.

The next thing I knew, she’d finished that bag and started on another. This one, she said, was for money. I stared so hard at the bag she was filling that my eyeballs started exchanging places. To aid myself in focusing, I recited in my head: Money, money, money….What IS money, anyway? My witch says money puts food in my bowl. Does that mean you can eat it? Oh, Look! There’s a spider spinning a web in the corner of the room… I wonder if spiders catch money? I bet I could catch that spider and …

“Grimalkin!” my witch said sharply. “You’re not concentrating.”

She was right. I was bored. I sighed and tried again. “Money, money, money, money, money… What a strange sounding word!...money, money, money; I think I’m getting a headache; money, money… I forget: What IS money ?”

Suddenly she was tying the bag up with a green ribbon and it was done. Thank the stars!

But then she started on another! “This one’s for Protection,” she told me.

Right! By this time, I needed to protect my sanity!

The little Friendship Bag next to me caught my eye. I glanced at my mistress who was muttering an incantation as she concentrated on the bag for Protection.

All by itself and before I could stop it, my paw twitched. The Friendship Bag flew off the altar and landed under a chair.

My mistress was still focused on the bag she was working on, so, in the spirit of furthering my education, I leaped after the Friendship Bag and proceeded to investigate it. Indeed, the little bag was VERY friendly! We played together happily for a few minutes until…… There was my witch standing over me with her hands on her hips.

Uh oh, I thought. Now I’m in Trouble!

But to my astonishment, she smiled as she crouched down and rescued the Friendship Bag.

“Silly Grimalkin,” she said, lifting me back onto the table. “I guess you need a charm bag of your own.”

A charm bag for ME?

I watched with genuine interest this time as she slipped a Tiger’s Eye stone into one of the bags. From the herb bundles hanging from the ceiling, she plucked a small handful of soft, grayish green leaves and stuffed those in the bag too. What was that smell?

She tied the bag shut with a tight knot of red satin ribbon and placed in front of me. At first I was confused. What was I supposed to do with it? I looked up at my witch for instruction, but she just smiled at me and waited. So, I investigated the bag with my nose… and then sniffed again. What WAS that smell?

My mouth opened and my eyes crossed as a dizzying wave of euphoria crashed over my head and washed through my body in the most delicious manner! Suddenly, I was floating. No, I was melting.

The bag wanted me to love it so I rubbed my cheeks against the fabric, releasing yet more of that intoxicating fragrance! I flopped on my side and hugged it against my face with both paws.

Suddenly, the bag flew into the air and demanded that I play with it, so we engaged in a mock battle that sent us both rolling off the table.

Even though her mortar and pestle, jars and grimoire all came crashing to the ground in our wake, amazingly, I heard my witch laughing!

I lay on the floor, my Charm Bag clutched in my paws, and gazed up at her. I think I was drooling slightly.

My witch is Wonderful! I realize that now. She is the kindest, wisest, most powerfullest witch on earth! I love my Charm Bag! I love my witch! Hello, Chair… I love you too! And I love the rug and I love my Charm Bag and my witch and I love…. My food bowl! Great Goddess, I’m starving! Let me think… Which way is the kitchen again? And after that, I think just a wee nap… I must be exhausted from all that concentrating.

My witch isn’t tired though. And, for some reason, she’s still laughing.

Meditation (yawn)

2011-07-20T21:11:00.000-07:00

Can anyone explain to me why it is that the older and slower cats only seem interested in eating and meditating?

There they sit, usually in a little patch of sunshine, their paws tucked neatly into their chests in “Kitty Yoga Position”, their eyes at half mast and completely motionless for hours on end.

How do they do it?

I tried meditating once.

I decided it’s highly over-rated.

My whiskers kept twitching and, besides which, I couldn’t make my tail hold still. (I swear, the thing had a mind of its own!)

By the time I’d twirled around enough times, caught it and managed to pin it down, the older and slower cats were extremely irritated with me.

Psyche, the feline matriarch, even cuffed my ears before stomping away to a “More Tranquil Area of the House.” She sternly warned me NOT to follow her!

My witch says it takes practice. Well, the older and slower cats certainly do THAT enough! They practice all the time.

Boring!
I'd rather sprawl my legs out and just relax....

I'm so Sweet!

2011-07-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

First of all, allow me to explain that my immaculate little white paws are not very adept at typing. I’m sure that, given time, I will be able to master this skill. In the meanwhile, my witch has taken upon herself the task of transcribing the entries I make in my diary and posting them in a “blog”.

I am perfectly fine with this. But, make no mistake, the words are all Mine – not hers!

Therefore, I was understandably flattered and delighted when she informed me that this “blog” had won an award from Debra – She Who Seeks.

“What’s the award for?” I asked as I mentally ran through the endless list of possibilities: Bravery, Cleverness, Humility, Superior Intelligence, Remarkable Insightfulness…

My thoughts were interrupted by her response. “Because you’re so sweet.”

“I am?” This was one adjective that hadn’t occurred to me.

“Yes, you are!” my mistress laughed and kissed me - which of course prompted a quick bath on my part!

She then showed me a picture of the award – a marvelous confection of strawberries. I happen to love strawberries!!!

“Let’s go get it,” I said. “I want to eat it right now!”

She told me that it was a metaphoric picture symbolizing “sweetness”. After she’d explained to me what “metaphoric” meant, I was at first disappointed. One definitely cannot eat a metaphor.

“So what do I do with it?” I asked.

My mistress said that we should “pay it forward” to other blogs that we thought were incredibly sweet and wonderful. And then she also promised to buy some strawberries at the store.

This was a win/win situation – I could eat my strawberries and share them too!

I immediately thought of my friend Magaly – she leaves such sweet and encouraging messages for me whenever I get in trouble. I have a feeling that if I was HER familiar-in-training, she’d let me eat salmon w/ whipped cream every day and never, ever scold me! Not only that, I just LOVE the creepy, spooky stories she writes on her Pagan Culture blog.

Also, Amethjera of a Broom with a View. It is so sweet the way she’s concerned that I might get hurt in one of my outdoor escapades .

I think one should also go to Clara of Witchy Godmother. She writes sweet stories for children in her blog and, sometimes, when I don’t understand something magical that my own witch is explaining to me, one of Witchy Godmother’s stories will make it perfectly clear.

And, I can’t forget Mrs. B and her Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom. She has been so sweet and encouraging to me ever since I was a bitty kitten and first started keeping this diary. In fact, she may be the sweetest person I know!

So those are MY nominees. My mistress agreed, although she had her own reasons – namely that she thought these were some of the best and most interesting blogs she’d run across.

And now my witch and I get to go eat some strawberries!

My Moon is Missing!

2011-06-30T14:56:00.000-07:00

I looked in the sky tonight, then did a double-take and looked again. No wonder it was so dark outside. My moon was gone! I went to every window in the house and pressed my nose against the glass. I tell you: The moon simply was not there.

I even ran to the bathroom and peered into the tub.

Sometimes my witch invokes little moons to come down and float on the water that she bathes in. I thought perhaps one of her “Purification Rituals” had gone awry and that she’d forgotten to release the moons afterward.

But no, the tub was dry.

Should I inform my witch that the moon has been stolen? I don’t wish to alarm her.

Perhaps whoever took it will bring it back before she notices…

My Rightful Place

2011-06-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

My witch is finally giving me the respect that I deserve. Today, she placed a statue of me on her altar. She even placed a sprig of catnip in front of my likeness as an offering to me. (I could get used to this!)

The image is a quite stylized approach and rather nice, but the artist was apparently unable to do justice to my excellent markings and immaculate little white paws. He therefore resorted to coloring my statue in black with gold trim. However, I’ll forgive him since only the Gods could create such an intricately patterned coat such as mine. Humble as I am, I’m content to have even a crude semblance of myself in this place of honor!

But why does my witch keep referring to my image as “Bastet” instead of “Grimalkin”? It must be a new term of endearment that she’s invented for me…

Midsummer Madness

2011-06-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

Mindful of my duties as a Familiar-in-Training, I followed my witch and her Cronies into the garden yesterday. Although I was fully prepared to assist in their Midsummer Festivities, the searing heat quickly changed my mind. (I even spotted a few fairies under the bushes fanning their little faces with leaves. That was a first!)

I consider myself to be extremely fit and athletic. Nevertheless, I confess that I soon collapsed in the shade on the front porch, panting like a young lion.

Meanwhile, there was my silly mistress and her friends, still out capering and celebrating beneath the blazing sun. I’d have concluded that witches must be impervious to the heat – except for the fact that they were all very red faced and their skin was leaking water at an alarming rate. This was truly Midsummer Madness!

It occurred to me that none of them are exactly kittens anymore. I fully expected one of the witches to topple over at any moment taking the others with her in a domino effect…and then what would I do? Call 911? Get the dogs to assist me in dragging their limp carcasses into the pond, one by one, to revive them?

You can imagine my extreme state of agitation and concern as I pondered the various courses of action!

I finally decided upon the only sensible solution… I closed my eyes and took a nice, long nap.

Superstition

2011-06-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

It wasn’t my fault!

And who the heck makes tables with only 3 legs? They’re dangerous – especially when a kitty comes racing into a room and lands on top of one.

Over went the table and every blessed object that was on it ...including me!

As I sat in the midst of the rubble, my head swimming and congratulating myself on escaping any injury, my witch came rushing in. She stopped on the threshold and surveyed the damage.

I was on the verge of assuring her that everything was fine because I hadn’t been hurt, when she suddenly wailed: “Grimalkin! My favorite mirror!”

I glanced down at the shards of thick glass mingled with the rest of the debris.

“That’s seven years of bad luck for YOU, mister!” she said sternly.

Me??? It was her mirror! Why should I have the bad luck?

Then I saw the look on her face and realized it was because it will probably take her that long to forgive me.

Drawing Down the Moon

2011-06-13T21:25:00.000-07:00

For some reason, witches get in water on purpose! They call it a “Purification Bath” and I watched in horror as my own witch subjected herself to this strange torture the other night.

She said we were preparing to perform a ritual called “Drawing Down the Moon” .

She lit candles, ran water into the tub, sprinkled salt and then poured in a wondrous potion. The tub immediately became filled with thousands of little iridescent full moons! My mistress then divested herself of every stitch of the protective garments that she normally wears and proceeded to immerse herself in the water.

Fascinated, I perched on the rim of the tub and studied this strange enchantment. My naturally inquisitive mind led me to discover that, when I batted a floating moon with my paw, it would mysteriously explode, disappear and then others would shift to take its place. I was witnessing a microcosm of the universe!

Suddenly, my hind paws slipped. I found myself submerged in water and moons up to my scrawny neck! Yours Truly was in Serious Danger of drowning and I told my witch so in a very loud voice. Suddenly this big tub filled with little moons was NOT fun!

She lifted me out, dried me off with a towel and then applied ointment and bandages to her legs, hands and arms. I was, naturally, rather zealous in my efforts to save myself.

After this experience, I’ll observe her Purification Baths from a safe distance, Thank You Very Much! She can draw down those silly little moons by herself from now on.

Personally, I have been traumatized for life!

Lessons in Herbs

2011-06-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

My witch harvested herbs today and I helped her by sorting and rearranging the bundles in her basket. (Not that she appreciated my efforts!)

She lectured me a great deal as we worked, thus furthering my education. I payed close attention and took meticulous notes:

Raspberry leaves, she said, are good for pregnant ladies who are expecting kittens.

Strawberry leaves are for teenagers who have bumps on their faces.

Chamomile, she added, makes a wonderful hair rinse for golden hair like hers.

Note to self: Witches must be color blind because even I know there’s a big difference between gold and silver!

Nightshade berries, she said, are for Hecate and Dark Moon rituals. She caught me batting around and chasing a few that had fallen out of her basket and snatched me up with a stern warning. They must be dangerous indeed – only to be handled by experienced witches….not little familiars-in-training like me.

Magical Lesson: Just because an herb is pretty and looks like a plump, juicy morsel, doesn’t mean it’s tasty or safe to play with! Check with your witch…

The Importance of Timing in Rituals

2011-05-31T18:01:00.000-07:00

This morning my mistress instructed me on the Importance of Timing when working one’s Magical Rituals. So, what I do not understand is how a witch, as powerful and wise as she, can have such rotten timing in her daily rituals?

Case in point: Each morning, she goes out and lures all the neighborhood birds down with food. However, she never remembers to let me out until AFTER they are through eating and every last one has flown off! Her timing is all wrong because, of course by then, it’s too late. I don’t wish to be critical, but if only she wasn’t quite so absent minded.

Dimensional Danger!

2011-05-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

I was trotting across the road today, innocently minding my own business, when suddenly a huge, noisy 4-wheeled people-carrier rounded the bend and bore down on me!

Of course, with my lightening –like reflexes, I scampered easily out of its way.

However, my witch witnessed my near escape, snatched me up and squeezed me so tightly I could hardly breathe! She then proceeded to give me a Great Lecture.

These chariots, she told me, are “Dimensional Transmogrifiers” that can transform 3-dimensional pussy-cats into only 2-dimensions. Imagine!

I thought this sounded rather interesting, but my witch assured me that it was Not Good.

Beltane

2011-05-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

(Witch's Note: Sorry. I'm just now getting around to transcribing Grimalkin's entry in his diary from the beginning of the month.)

Today my witch and her friends created a wonderful playground for me! They erected a tall pole in the garden and then attached colorful ribbons which danced and waved in the breeze.

What fun I had! I climbed the pole, chased and shredded the ribbons and then won the game by capturing and knocking down the silly floral wreath they’d stuck on top of the pole.

For some reason, however, they were not impressed.

Before I could twitch a whisker, I was scooped up and banished within the cottage. All I could do was press my nose against the screen door and watch pitifully as music played, bells tinkled and everyone danced outside. It was horribly unfair!

Finally, an absent minded guest, going through the door, failed to notice me simultaneously slipping out beneath her skirts. I scampered joyfully over to the dancers and had a rollicking good time. I managed to trip almost every one of them!

HA! That will teach these silly witches not to take their Beltane festivities so seriously.

A Lesson in Combined Elements

2011-05-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I was outside playing when suddenly “nature called”.
I was on the back patio of the cottage so the nearest patch of soft dirt was in one of the large terra cota pots that my witch keeps her plants captive in. I dug a tidy little hole and settled down to do my business.

I thought I was only pooping, but suddenly a heavy stream of water invaded my hole. I poked my face up through the leaves of the plant and there was my silly mistress….with a hose!

I must admit, she looked as startled as I was, but I still think she picked a heck of a time to water the plants!

Magical Lesson for the Day – My witch says earth and water elements are magically compatible. But sometimes when you mix earth and water, you just get runny poop on your paws.

The Terrible Ritual of House Blessing

2011-05-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Most of the items my witch blesses go on her altar where they get passed through smoke and are subject to candles, bells, whistles and who knows what else? Obviously, her house won’t fit on the altar, so when my witch undertakes to bless that (as she did yesterday), she uses an entirely different procedure.

From a big closet in the hallway, she pulled out a stick with a mass of feathers on one end. At first I thought it was intended to be a soft broom that was my size and that she was offering me another flying lesson. This notion was quickly dispelled however when she repeatedly scolded me for pouncing on it and trying to grab hold of it. I therefore concluded it must be some sort of large feathered magic wand.

I watched with interest as she waved the wand around the room, liberally blessing assorted knickknacks - of which she has far too many. (I’ve tried to delicately tell her so by clearing the shelves myself, but she only picks the items off the floor and puts them back. She will not take the hint!)

Following this, she used a cloth to rub a lemon scented Blessing Potion into all of the wooden objects in the room. So far so good…

BUT - After this came a truly terrifying sorcery that I hesitate to even mention! I don’t want to frighten you, kittens, but you must know the Truth behind this powerful ritual of House Blessing. It involves a large metal Demon with a long, skinny tail that your witch inserts into a wall. This Creature makes a terrible noise as it sucks up all the dark entities that may be lurking in the rugs or under the furniture. I am certain that it also sucks up cats!

My fellow Familiars-in-Training : If your witch summons this Terrible Being to do her House Blessing bidding, let me assure you that you have no moral obligation to stick around and, indeed, must put your own safety first!

In fact, it is not necessary for your paws to ever actually touch the ground in your haste to vacate the premises. You may find, as I did, the sudden ability to levitate while scrambling to seek out the furthest place of concealment. Once there, you should practice your Invisibility Lessons.
Do NOT emerge until an extended period of silence informs you that it is safe. Even then, you must use extreme caution for often the Demon is simply catching its breath before attacking the next room.

Only a very powerful and experienced witch, such as mine, can dominate this Creature and emerge from the ritual unscathed!

Fearless Predator!

2011-05-16T19:03:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I practiced my hunting skills on Something Big …not just the flannel mice and ping pong balls that my mistress lets me bat around. Those are for babies!
I am big and fierce … a wild jungle cat with terrible fangs and long, dangerous claws. I creep stealthily upon my prey. I pounce with lightening speed and deadly accuracy. I am totally fearless in the face of my foe! Afterward, I ate my kill. The moth was surprisingly crunchy.

Fire Element

2011-05-14T11:09:00.001-07:00

My witch was conducting one of her rituals last night. As a Familiar-in-Training, I was allowed access to the room and it was quite fascinating!
Fragrant smoke filled the candle-lit area. She chased her tail around a table a few times, all the while muttering to herself. I perched on the table to get a better view of the proceedings.
Finally she stopped and raised a knife into the air. Then she sniffed.
So did I.
Now, most of the smoke that my witch makes smells pretty good, but this time it was stinky!
Suddenly she yelled at me and grabbed my tail.
Let me assure you – as a Descendant of Feline Divinity, I am certainly not accustomed to this sort of treatment! I protested loudly and twisted around, fully prepared to deliver the punishment she deserved. But then I saw smoke rising from between the fingers that gripped my nethermost appendage. Either she was performing some sort of diabolical sorcery or… Great Catnip! My Tail was On Fire!
Luckily the flame did not reach my skin and, when she opened her hand, the fire was out. I can only assume that the Gods must have protected me.
I forgave my witch and amiably accompanied her as she went to apply ointment to her hand. Somehow she’d managed to burn herself. Apparently the Gods only protect cats.

Another Flying Lesson

2011-05-13T14:02:00.001-07:00

Gloomy day…rainy, windy, cold. I thought Beltane was supposed to mark the beginning of the Summer half of the year?
My spirits picked up, however, when my witch got out her broom. She was obviously taking advantage of the weather to offer me another flying lesson!
With intense concentration, I studied her movements from the doorway as she swished the vehicle around the kitchen floor.
Finally, I dashed into the room and made a near-perfect landing on the bristled end. I hung on for dear life as the broom flew out of her hands and across the kitchen. I was flying! My mistress, however, was not quick enough to join me.
The broom dropped and clattered to the floor, lifeless. I jumped off and poked my nose among the bristles. Maybe its battery was dead?
“Grimalkin!” exclaimed my witch.
I looked up at her in bewilderment. Had I done it wrong?
My witch picked the broom up again and repeated her rhythmic movements across the kitchen. I crouched and watched, timing my leap with the utmost care. I didn’t even complain about the amount of dirt and dust she was gathering during our Lesson. I was determined to get it right!
However, this time, I lost my grip and went rolling across the floor, right through a pile of dirt. She sighed and used the broom to gather up the scattered pile and swept it into a dust pan. I thought she was getting it out of our way, but then the broom and dustpan were both put back in the closet.
My witch was clearly disappointed with me. At first I felt ashamed. But then I watched in astonishment as she filled a bucket with sudsy water, dunked a mop in it and began swishing THAT around the floor.
She had to be kidding! What self-respecting familiar rides a mop?

Air Element continued: "A Frightening Adventure"

2011-05-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

After breakfast this morning, I scampered outside to play. Feeling quite brave, I ventured beyond my normal boundaries. After all, I had my bell-talisman to protect me!
Some distance away, I found a yard with a huge pine tree. I’d heard that high in the skies was the kingdom of the Gods of Air and, armed with my talisman, I determined to visit them. I climbed very high and then higher still.
A pair of giant crows flew in my face and loudly cawed a warning against going further. I must have been entering the Lands of the Gods and these were Their Guardians. Since the crows looked so big and angry (and their beaks looked so sharp!) I decided to heed their advice.
I began my descent – then realized I’d forgotten the way down!
Tree limbs, large and small, extended in every direction, each covered with a curtain of pine needles. As I tried pushing past them, my belled-collar got snagged and immediately the clasp released. I watched in horror as my talisman plunged down and out of sight.
I was defenseless!
I plopped my butt down and wailed for my witch to rescue me but my cries only alerted some dogs in the yard below. They gathered around the base of the tree, barking furiously. I was trapped. So I hunkered down and waited…and waited….and waited.
The blazing sun beat down on my fur and I longed for a cool drink. I’d missed lunch and my tummy growled as fiercely as the dogs now lying at the base of the tree.
Still I waited. I knew my witch would find me … and eventually she did.
When I still hadn’t returned by supper time, she started combing the neighborhood. I heard her calling and answered (rather calmly, considering the circumstances): “I’m trapped! For the Gods' Sakes, Save me!”
She found my tree and used her powers to chase off the dogs, then ordered a man to fetch a ladder.
Then…the most amazing thing! Employing the same psychic abilities she used to locate me, my witch discovered my magical belled collar among the pine needles at the base of the tree. She lifted it up and rang the bell. I discovered I could follow the sound and navigate my way through the maze of branches toward it. It reallyWAS a talisman and it was leading me toward my witch and safety at last!
I climbed down and down, my claws slipping and sliding the whole way. The setting sun blinding me at intervals… 'til at last I saw a corrugated flat metal garage roof below.
I hopped to the roof with a sigh of relief. In the distance, I could see the man coming with the ladder.
Food! Water! My stomach growled fiercely and my throat was parched. I’d been all day in that tree without eating or drinking.
The man put his ladder against the side of the garage… but suddenly, I realized there was something else I hadn’t done all day!
I evaded his outstretched hand as he perched on the ladder and made my way to a discreet spot at the opposite end of the garage roof. There I dug a hasty hole in the pine needles….
A few moments later, and relieved in more ways than one, I allowed myself to be rescued.

Air Element

2011-05-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

Day One: Trees
I discovered trees today. I found that I can run straight up the sides of them, totally defying gravity. However, I had a slight problem with my reverse gear. My witch had to walk over and lift me down to safety. Someday, I shall conquer these leafy giants.

Day Two: On the Roof
An ivy covered tree grows next to the overhanging roof of the porch on our cottage. The vines are easy to grab and use to shimmy upward. Once on the roof, the wind lifts your fur and tickles your whiskers. You can lie on the warm tiles beneath the sun and startle the stupid sparrows that land in the nearby branches.
Eventually, however, its supper time, and you must alert your witch who then stands on a stool to help you off the roof.

Creature of Earth

2011-04-27T13:47:00.001-07:00

I am a creature of earth and, as such, I definitely know where I should be doing my business!
It seems my witch has “other ideas”. She actually scolded me the other day for digging a hole in the earth around one of the larger plants she keeps captive in the house!
There I was, in mid-stream no less, when she plucked me up, carted me into the bathroom, and planted my butt in a plastic box full of sand!
Of course, I immediately jumped out, gave her the Look she deserved, and stalked off.

Divinity has its Price

2011-04-22T05:29:00.000-07:00

My witch hates me!
Every familiar-in-training knows that a bell rung announces Sacred Time.
However, a few days ago (after a particularly good hunt, I might add) my witch decided to install a bell around my neck!
Now, as a cat, I’m full aware that my lineage goes straight back to many feline gods….. But must we announce Sacred Time with every step I take?
It’s most annoying – on top of which, the bell alerts every bird in the area of my presence.
My witch has clearly taken leave of her senses and I will make my displeasure known… right after supper.

LATER...

I must admit I’ve grown rather attached to this bell on my collar. It resonates with a delicate musical ting-a-ling as I trot about and the other, inferior creatures definitely take notice whenever I pass by.
It came off today and I found myself desperate to have it back on. My witch found me rubbing my face and neck on the collar that lay on the floor, trying to re-attach the bauble myself.
She took pity on me and I sat very still as she re-fastened it about my neck.
I have realized that the bell must be a Magical Talisman that my witch has granted me. I will never lose it again!

Flying Lessons

2011-04-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

The older and slower cats have informed me that witches don’t really fly on their brooms. I know for a fact they are mistaken because my witch has undertaken to show me how it’s done.
My first lesson took place rather unexpectedly this morning when I was playing in the fireplace. (If you’ve never tried this, you’ll find its great fun to get in there and fling the ashes out.)
At any rate, I was enjoying this activity when my witch suddenly appeared with her broom in her hand. She placed the bristle end alongside my bottom and the next thing I knew I was airborne and actually flying!
Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far – but, after all, it was only my first lesson.
I’ve practiced a few times since then by standing next to the broom and, once, even experimented with sitting on it. So far, I can’t seem to achieve lift-off without my witch’s assistance. However, one day I’ll have mastered this skill and then won’t the older and slower cats be jealous!

Sacred Time

2011-04-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched as my witch performed a Magic Ritual. It involved going around in a circle several times - rather like chasing one’s tail.
She did a number of other things I didn’t understand and then she rang a large brass bell. I figured it was time to start asking questions so I asked what the bell was for.
She said it was to announce Sacred Time.
This morning, I’d forgotten all about it and was playing in the garden when my witch called me for breakfast. I immediately stopped stalking the strange bug that was crawling through the leaves and came galloping into the cottage.
As I skidded into the kitchen, I realized that I was the first one there. The older and slower cats had not arrived yet!
Then I noticed the large bell hanging on the wall. Well, Mealtime, in my opinion, is certainly sacred!
So, as my witch dished up our bowls, I helped her out by leaping onto the counter and smacked the bell with my tail. It rang loudly, startling my witch so much that she accidentally dropped one of the bowls.
Sure enough, the older and slower cats were instantly summoned.
Magical Lesson for the Day - Sacred Time is whenever you want it to be.

Dragon Slayer

2011-04-10T09:47:00.001-07:00

Today I killed a terrible dragon! It was a duel to the death, but I won!
Afterward, I was so proud that I dragged its giant carcass into the castle to show my witch and the older, slower cats.
My witch called the dragon a baby lizard and did not seem pleased. Shows how much SHE knows. However, I’ll forgive her and continue to slay dragons so the garden is safe for her to play in.

Patience & Concentration

2011-04-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Today I learned two important magical lessons – Patience & Concentration.
It began when I was practicing my hunting skills on an exceptionally large black and yellow striped beetle. The thing was huge - bigger than my whole paw!
Once I’d captured it, I carried it into the cottage to see if perhaps I could entice the older and slower cats into a game. However, they were all busy meditating, so I deposited the beetle on the kitchen floor and played with it by myself for a while.
I was having a wonderful time when, suddenly, the silly thing crawled under the stove! No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reach it and the beetle refused to come out so we could continue our game.
What I needed was some magic … and then I remembered my witch’s lecture in the herb room yesterday about how magic requires concentration and patience. So I hunkered down, my nose a few inches from the front of the stove, and concentrated with all my might on the beetle reappearing.
It took a long time, but finally my patience was rewarded!
My witch entered the kitchen and noticed my concentration. “Poor Grimalkin,” she said, “Did you lose your toy under the stove?” (You can see by this that witches really do have remarkable psychic powers!)
I meowed that I had and she fetched her broom (a very magical tool, I am told…) and poked the handle into the small opening under the stove. She then used a sweeping motion with the broom handle and, within moments, the beetle had been magically summoned and reappeared before me. Concentration and Patience had indeed worked magic!
My mistress pretended surprise at seeing my “toy” was a beetle. She carried it back outside.
Normally I would have protested, but in this case I was too pleased with the results of my Magic to complain.

Water Element

2011-04-08T16:45:00.000-07:00

The older cats refused to play with me today so I climbed up to visit the bird that my witch keeps in a cage hanging in her bedroom. The cage came crashing down bringing me and the bird with it! My witch was mad and shot me with a squirt bottle filled with water. Psyche, the feline matriarch, spanked me on the butt with her paw as I ran from the scene!
After that, I needed a nice meditation to calm myself, so I went out and perched on the rocks that border the fish pond. However, as any normal kitten would be, I was distracted by the fish swimming around. Fascinating creatures! I climbed out onto a further rock to get a better look.
The next thing I knew, both the rock and I were in the water and the fish were looking back at me!
My witch pulled me out of the pond and this time she was laughing. I think the fish were laughing too. Let me tell you, being soaked from whiskers to tail is NOT funny! I left very quickly and with as much dignity as I could, hopping and shaking my hind paws with every step.

Magical Lesson for the Day: My witch says there are 4 magical elements. I have decided that Water is not my favorite!

Introduction

2011-04-08T12:09:00.001-07:00

My witch has suggested that it would be beneficial to my studies if I kept a journal of my lessons and progress as a Familiar-in-Training. Since I’m determined to excel in my future career, I have decided to heed her advice. Besides, I am sure other kittens newly joining the ranks of pagan households will, no doubt, benefit from my experiences and acquired wisdom!
I shall begin by introducing myself:
My name is Grimalkin – an archaic term meaning “Grey Cat” (which I am) and, in the past, was often used to describe a witch’s familiar (which I will be someday). Not very imaginative, perhaps, but definitely appropriate. In fact, I’m rather proud of my name!
I was rescued from the side of a lonely country road where I’d been dumped in a box along with my siblings.
Recognizing at once my superior intelligence (and, perhaps, also attracted by my excellent markings and immaculate little white paws) the witch who discovered us decided to keep me and undertake my training. Suitable, less interesting homes were found for my siblings.
My new residence, an old house surrounded by tall trees and a large garden, is shared with 3 other cats, all much older and slower than I. There are also 2 dogs - who knows Why??? – but they are easily talked into a game of tag or wrestling and thus much more fun than the older and slower cats who spend most of their time sleeping!
There is also a snake with whom I hold long conversations and a bird that often rides on my witch’s shoulder. The bird would be fun to play with, but for some reason my mistress forbids it and becomes quite angry when I attempt to liberate the poor thing from its cage. (The silly bird does not appreciate my efforts on its behalf either!)
So, that is our household. Enough about them and on to MY adventures! I’m sure I will have many to record in the days to follow…