Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Terrible Ritual of House Blessing

Most of the items my witch blesses go on her altar where they get passed through smoke and are subject to candles, bells, whistles and who knows what else?  Obviously, her house won’t fit on the altar, so when my witch undertakes to bless that (as she did yesterday), she uses an entirely different procedure. 
From a big closet in the hallway, she pulled out a stick with a mass of feathers on one end.  At first I thought it was intended to be a soft broom that was my size and that she was offering me another flying lesson.  This notion was quickly dispelled however when she repeatedly scolded me for pouncing on it and trying to grab hold of it.   I therefore concluded it must be some sort of large feathered magic wand.
I watched with interest as she waved the wand around the room, liberally blessing assorted knickknacks - of which she has far too many.  (I’ve tried to delicately tell her so by clearing the shelves myself, but she only picks the items off the floor and puts them back.  She will not take the hint!)
Following this, she used a cloth to rub a lemon scented Blessing Potion into all of the wooden objects in the room.  So far so good…
BUT - After this came a truly terrifying sorcery that I hesitate to even mention!  I don’t want to frighten you, kittens, but you must know the Truth behind this powerful ritual of House Blessing.  It involves a large metal Demon with a long, skinny tail that your witch inserts into a wall.  This Creature makes a terrible noise as it sucks up all the dark entities that may be lurking in the rugs or under the furniture.  I am certain that it also sucks up cats!
My fellow Familiars-in-Training :  If your witch summons this Terrible Being to do her House  Blessing bidding,  let me assure you that you have no moral obligation to stick around and, indeed, must put your own safety first! 
In fact, it is not necessary for your paws to ever actually touch the ground in your haste to vacate the premises.  You may find, as I did, the sudden ability to levitate while scrambling to seek out the furthest place of concealment.  Once there, you should practice your Invisibility Lessons.
Do NOT emerge until an extended period of silence informs you that it is safe.  Even then, you must use extreme caution for often the Demon is simply catching its breath before attacking the next room. 
Only a very powerful and experienced witch, such as mine, can dominate this Creature and emerge from the ritual unscathed!

9 comments:

  1. Oh, Grimalkin! You are such a funny little Familiar :) Keep safe from the scary machine!

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  2. Grimalkin,
    I suggest you make peace with the house cleaning demon! My most experienced Familiar weaved her cat magic and dominated it. Every time the beast was called from the closet, she commanded it to give her a gentle tummy massage while it sucked itchy hairs away. That might be an advanced lesson in your training but it can be very rewarding!

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  3. Oh no! My cat (Her Royal Highness) hates the Scary Monster too. She hides under the bed when it comes out.

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  4. My familiar Tinker,( now in spirit) hated the noisy Demon until one day it swallowed up her tail and she found it was actually removing all those loose hairs that gave her fur balls! Then she loved the Demon, lying down obediently before it and offering her long swishy tail for tasting!

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  5. lol! Demons, feathers, and knicknacks Oh MY! Great post! My cat and dog does not appreciate the demon either. Although my dog lacks the ability to levitate like cats do. :)

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  6. My dog always tries to challenge the Demon to epic battle, she doesn't yet understand that I don't want her to vanquish it.

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  7. My two Kittens Figaro and Mittens can almost out right fly when I bring the Demon out lol

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  8. My puppy Lucretia also challenges the demon. She often takes ninja form...disappears then stealthily jumps on the demon. I'm trying to train her to just sit and observe the demon but something tells me she will not be content with that.

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