Saturday, April 28, 2012

Protecting Witches

Ages past… in fact, several months ago, when I was just a kitten…the older and slower cats informed me that one of my duties as a Familiar-in-Training was to protect my witch from dark entities that lurk around the house and garden.
 When they first told me this, I did not understand.  Surely my witch’s powerful magic was protection enough?  Nevertheless, I took their instructions to heart and set about my Duty.
I quickly found many such dangerous creatures rustling and hiding amongst the ivy and beneath the boxwood hedges!
My witch refers to these beings as  “baby lizards” and “Fairy Dragons”, but any Familiar knows that baby dragons grow up to be big and terrible dragons!  (I assure you – I have done my homework and read the tales!  I am, therefore, well -versed in such arcane matters.)   These diabolical cbeings must be exterminated before they can breathe fire and grow too big for kitties to wrestle with!
So, what I don’t understand is how a witch, as wise and knowledgeable as mine, can have such a soft spot for these slithering entities in their diminutive state!
I exhausted myself today, chasing and pursuing one of these potentially lethal monsters in and around the hedges.  My unsuspecting witch was at her potting bench on the porch, sticking green things in containers, totally unaware of the danger!
When I finally captured and deposited the scaly creature next to my mistress (So that she would know I was doing My Job and protecting her) she actually dropped her trowel and scooped up the little dragon!   Seeing it was still alive and only stunned, she gently deposited it in the bed of ivy beneath the pomegranate tree.  And then, she had the gall to invite me inside the cottage for some tuna!  Did she think to distract me?
Undeterred, I gave her the Look that she deserved and then started my hunt all over again!
And now I know why the older and slower cats said it’s My Job to protect her…. Because witches are soft hearted idiots!  I’ve concluded that it must be their one weakness and explains why they need a Familiar.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Ostara - the Bunny & Egg Holiday

Another holiday!  Why do witches have so many?  I’ve lived here for almost a year now and it seems like every time I twitch a whisker, there’s another celebration we must prepare for.  There’s absolutely no downtime!
This one is called “Ostara” or “Eostre” after some racy Goddess of yore.  It must have something to do with eggs and rabbits because my mistress suddenly took it into her head to position a great quantity of both, along with fresh flowers, around the house.  As if there wasn’t enough clutter already!
I will admit that, usually, her holiday arrangements are tasteful and artistic… But when she starts scattering cute little ceramic bunnies about the place, I really must put my paw down! 
I’m sure we can do better than this!
So I ventured across the road and into the hills this morning (at grave risk to life and tail) and used my incredibly sensitive nose to sniff out the real thing for her.
When I journeyed back to the front door, mewing proudly and loudly as I could past the mouthful of real bunny fur, I was fully prepared for my witch to come running out in a high state of excitement.
What I was NOT prepared for was that she would begin to throw the gardening slippers that she keeps by the door at me!
In my astonishment, I dropped the bunny.  The uncooperative creature  began to hop away.  I turned to give chase and that was when my mistress  performed the Most Unspeakable Act!  She actually grabbed me by my tail and then dumped me inside the house on the wrong side of the screen door!
She then began chasing the rabbit around the garden, flapping her apron at it.  Did she think the bunny was going to obligingly hop into her apron?  Humans are Terrible hunters!  Naturally, the rabbit got away.
Which just goes to show how much Witches need their Familiars…  Now, if only they would let us do our job!