Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Importance of Timing in Rituals

This morning my mistress instructed me on the Importance of Timing when working one’s Magical Rituals.  So, what I do not understand is how a witch, as powerful and wise as she, can have such rotten timing in her daily rituals?
Case in point:  Each morning, she goes out and lures all the neighborhood birds down with food.  However, she never remembers to let me out until AFTER they are through eating and every last one has flown off!  Her timing is all wrong because, of course by then, it’s too late.  I don’t wish to be critical, but if only she wasn’t quite so absent minded.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Dimensional Danger!

I was trotting across the road today, innocently minding my own business, when suddenly a huge, noisy 4-wheeled people-carrier rounded the bend and bore down on me!
Of course, with my lightening –like reflexes, I scampered easily out of its way. 
However, my witch witnessed my near escape, snatched me up and squeezed me so tightly I could hardly breathe!  She then proceeded to give me a Great Lecture.
These chariots, she told me, are “Dimensional  Transmogrifiers” that  can transform  3-dimensional pussy-cats into only 2-dimensions.  Imagine!
I thought this sounded rather interesting, but my witch assured me that it was Not Good.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


(Witch's Note:  Sorry.  I'm just now getting around to transcribing Grimalkin's entry in his diary from the beginning of the month.)
Today my witch and her friends created a wonderful playground for me!  They erected a tall pole in the garden and then attached colorful ribbons which danced and waved in the breeze. 
What fun I had!  I climbed the pole, chased and shredded the ribbons and then won the game by capturing and knocking down the silly floral wreath they’d stuck on top of the pole.
For some reason, however, they were not impressed.  
Before I could twitch a whisker, I was scooped up and banished within the cottage.  All I could do was press my nose against the screen door and watch pitifully as music played, bells tinkled and everyone danced outside.  It was horribly unfair!
Finally, an absent minded guest, going through the door, failed to notice me simultaneously slipping out beneath her skirts.  I scampered joyfully over to the dancers and had a rollicking good time.  I managed to trip almost every one of them! 
HA!  That will teach these silly witches not to take their Beltane festivities so seriously.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A Lesson in Combined Elements

This afternoon I was outside playing when suddenly “nature called”.   
I was on the back patio of the cottage so the nearest patch of soft dirt was in one of the large terra cota pots  that my witch keeps her plants captive in.   I dug a tidy little hole and settled down to do my business.
I thought I was only pooping, but suddenly a heavy stream of water invaded my hole.  I poked my face up through the leaves of the plant and there was my silly mistress….with a hose!
I must admit, she looked as startled as I was, but I still think she picked a heck of a time to water the plants!
Magical Lesson for the Day – My witch says earth and water elements are magically compatible.  But sometimes when you mix earth and water, you just get runny poop on your paws.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Terrible Ritual of House Blessing

Most of the items my witch blesses go on her altar where they get passed through smoke and are subject to candles, bells, whistles and who knows what else?  Obviously, her house won’t fit on the altar, so when my witch undertakes to bless that (as she did yesterday), she uses an entirely different procedure. 
From a big closet in the hallway, she pulled out a stick with a mass of feathers on one end.  At first I thought it was intended to be a soft broom that was my size and that she was offering me another flying lesson.  This notion was quickly dispelled however when she repeatedly scolded me for pouncing on it and trying to grab hold of it.   I therefore concluded it must be some sort of large feathered magic wand.
I watched with interest as she waved the wand around the room, liberally blessing assorted knickknacks - of which she has far too many.  (I’ve tried to delicately tell her so by clearing the shelves myself, but she only picks the items off the floor and puts them back.  She will not take the hint!)
Following this, she used a cloth to rub a lemon scented Blessing Potion into all of the wooden objects in the room.  So far so good…
BUT - After this came a truly terrifying sorcery that I hesitate to even mention!  I don’t want to frighten you, kittens, but you must know the Truth behind this powerful ritual of House Blessing.  It involves a large metal Demon with a long, skinny tail that your witch inserts into a wall.  This Creature makes a terrible noise as it sucks up all the dark entities that may be lurking in the rugs or under the furniture.  I am certain that it also sucks up cats!
My fellow Familiars-in-Training :  If your witch summons this Terrible Being to do her House  Blessing bidding,  let me assure you that you have no moral obligation to stick around and, indeed, must put your own safety first! 
In fact, it is not necessary for your paws to ever actually touch the ground in your haste to vacate the premises.  You may find, as I did, the sudden ability to levitate while scrambling to seek out the furthest place of concealment.  Once there, you should practice your Invisibility Lessons.
Do NOT emerge until an extended period of silence informs you that it is safe.  Even then, you must use extreme caution for often the Demon is simply catching its breath before attacking the next room. 
Only a very powerful and experienced witch, such as mine, can dominate this Creature and emerge from the ritual unscathed!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Fearless Predator!

Yesterday I practiced my hunting skills on Something Big …not just the flannel mice and ping pong balls that my mistress lets me bat around. Those are for babies!
I am big and fierce … a wild jungle cat with terrible fangs and long, dangerous claws. I creep stealthily upon my prey. I pounce with lightening speed and deadly accuracy. I am totally fearless in the face of my foe! Afterward, I ate my kill. The moth was surprisingly crunchy.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Fire Element

My witch was conducting one of her rituals last night. As a Familiar-in-Training, I was allowed access to the room and it was quite fascinating!
Fragrant smoke filled the candle-lit area. She chased her tail around a table a few times, all the while muttering to herself. I perched on the table to get a better view of the proceedings.
Finally she stopped and raised a knife into the air. Then she sniffed.
So did I.
Now, most of the smoke that my witch makes smells pretty good, but this time it was stinky!
Suddenly she yelled at me and grabbed my tail.
Let me assure you – as a Descendant of Feline Divinity, I am certainly not accustomed to this sort of treatment! I protested loudly and twisted around, fully prepared to deliver the punishment she deserved. But then I saw smoke rising from between the fingers that gripped my nethermost appendage. Either she was performing some sort of diabolical sorcery or… Great Catnip! My Tail was On Fire!
Luckily the flame did not reach my skin and, when she opened her hand, the fire was out. I can only assume that the Gods must have protected me.
I forgave my witch and amiably accompanied her as she went to apply ointment to her hand. Somehow she’d managed to burn herself. Apparently the Gods only protect cats.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Another Flying Lesson

Gloomy day…rainy, windy, cold. I thought Beltane was supposed to mark the beginning of the Summer half of the year?
My spirits picked up, however, when my witch got out her broom. She was obviously taking advantage of the weather to offer me another flying lesson!
With intense concentration, I studied her movements from the doorway as she swished the vehicle around the kitchen floor.
Finally, I dashed into the room and made a near-perfect landing on the bristled end. I hung on for dear life as the broom flew out of her hands and across the kitchen. I was flying! My mistress, however, was not quick enough to join me.
The broom dropped and clattered to the floor, lifeless. I jumped off and poked my nose among the bristles. Maybe its battery was dead?
“Grimalkin!” exclaimed my witch.
I looked up at her in bewilderment. Had I done it wrong?
My witch picked the broom up again and repeated her rhythmic movements across the kitchen. I crouched and watched, timing my leap with the utmost care. I didn’t even complain about the amount of dirt and dust she was gathering during our Lesson. I was determined to get it right!
However, this time, I lost my grip and went rolling across the floor, right through a pile of dirt. She sighed and used the broom to gather up the scattered pile and swept it into a dust pan. I thought she was getting it out of our way, but then the broom and dustpan were both put back in the closet.
My witch was clearly disappointed with me. At first I felt ashamed. But then I watched in astonishment as she filled a bucket with sudsy water, dunked a mop in it and began swishing THAT around the floor.
She had to be kidding! What self-respecting familiar rides a mop?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Air Element continued: "A Frightening Adventure"

After breakfast this morning, I scampered outside to play. Feeling quite brave, I ventured beyond my normal boundaries. After all, I had my bell-talisman to protect me!
Some distance away, I found a yard with a huge pine tree. I’d heard that high in the skies was the kingdom of the Gods of Air and, armed with my talisman, I determined to visit them. I climbed very high and then higher still.
A pair of giant crows flew in my face and loudly cawed a warning against going further. I must have been entering the Lands of the Gods and these were Their Guardians. Since the crows looked so big and angry (and their beaks looked so sharp!) I decided to heed their advice.
I began my descent – then realized I’d forgotten the way down!
Tree limbs, large and small, extended in every direction, each covered with a curtain of pine needles. As I tried pushing past them, my belled-collar got snagged and immediately the clasp released. I watched in horror as my talisman plunged down and out of sight.
I was defenseless!
I plopped my butt down and wailed for my witch to rescue me but my cries only alerted some dogs in the yard below. They gathered around the base of the tree, barking furiously. I was trapped. So I hunkered down and waited…and waited….and waited.
The blazing sun beat down on my fur and I longed for a cool drink. I’d missed lunch and my tummy growled as fiercely as the dogs now lying at the base of the tree.
Still I waited. I knew my witch would find me … and eventually she did.
When I still hadn’t returned by supper time, she started combing the neighborhood. I heard her calling and answered (rather calmly, considering the circumstances): “I’m trapped! For the Gods' Sakes, Save me!”
She found my tree and used her powers to chase off the dogs, then ordered a man to fetch a ladder.
Then…the most amazing thing! Employing the same psychic abilities she used to locate me, my witch discovered my magical belled collar among the pine needles at the base of the tree. She lifted it up and rang the bell. I discovered I could follow the sound and navigate my way through the maze of branches toward it. It reallyWAS a talisman and it was leading me toward my witch and safety at last!
I climbed down and down, my claws slipping and sliding the whole way. The setting sun blinding me at intervals… 'til at last I saw a corrugated flat metal garage roof below.
I hopped to the roof with a sigh of relief. In the distance, I could see the man coming with the ladder.
Food! Water! My stomach growled fiercely and my throat was parched. I’d been all day in that tree without eating or drinking.
The man put his ladder against the side of the garage… but suddenly, I realized there was something else I hadn’t done all day!
I evaded his outstretched hand as he perched on the ladder and made my way to a discreet spot at the opposite end of the garage roof. There I dug a hasty hole in the pine needles….
A few moments later, and relieved in more ways than one, I allowed myself to be rescued.

Air Element

Day One: Trees
I discovered trees today. I found that I can run straight up the sides of them, totally defying gravity. However, I had a slight problem with my reverse gear. My witch had to walk over and lift me down to safety. Someday, I shall conquer these leafy giants.

Day Two: On the Roof
An ivy covered tree grows next to the overhanging roof of the porch on our cottage. The vines are easy to grab and use to shimmy upward. Once on the roof, the wind lifts your fur and tickles your whiskers. You can lie on the warm tiles beneath the sun and startle the stupid sparrows that land in the nearby branches.
Eventually, however, its supper time, and you must alert your witch who then stands on a stool to help you off the roof.