Celestial Maintenance Problems

This morning, directly after breakfast I went outside to play in the garden. 

Rapidly, however, the sky darkened and began leaking water at an alarming rate.  

This serious rupture apparently created an electrical problem Up There, because Lights also kept flickering on and off.  

It seems that Gods can't see well in the dark, because They immediately began crashing into the furniture and making a terrible booming racket!

I considered the possibility of one of Them tripping and then tumbling out of the sky and landing on Yours Truly.  “Squished by a God” might look impressive in history books, but I certainly did not want that to be MY epitaph!

I streaked through the garden, then skidded across the porch and  planted myself halfway up the screened entrance to my witch’s cottage.  There I clung for several long minutes, dripping wet and mewing piteously.  She finally had the grace to open the door and pry me off the screen.

And…can you believe it?  My witch was laughing!  She must be powerful indeed that a Heavenly Catastrophe of this magnitude only causes her amusement.

As for this little cat?  Well...  Yours Truly shall be securely tucked under his witch's bed until the Gods get this whole plumbing and electrical problem sorted out!

The Uncertain Future

Over the past year, my witch and I have established a routine.  It is as constant as the moon.

Cancel that.  One thing I’ve learned through my magical observations is that the moon is always changing. 

So, okay… our routine is as constant as the sun. 

Wait a minute… the sun seems to shift and vary also.  It has to do with what my witch calls “Seasons”.

Okay, how about the stars?  Hmmm, no….  my witch has me studying this thing called “Astrology” and apparently the stars are changing in the sky every few minutes!

Good Gods! Does EVERYTHING in the universe go through Changes?

Apparently so!    Even the simple things in Life that, at first, seem certain, reassuring and constant….like my witch’s and my daily routine.

This afternoon, when I came in from playing - promptly at 4pm I might add, as per our arrangement - my witch, for the first time, did NOT offer me tuna with all its delicious juices as she has every day since I was a kitten.   Instead, she dumped canned catfood in my bowl .

I’m not sure that I can face Tomorrow now with all its terrible uncertainties!

Lessons

My witch has informed me that my requisite Year-and-a-Day of training will soon be completed.  Then I  will become a full-fledged Familiar!

I must remind myself to remain Humble in light of this Important Promotion, and yet,  her announcement has caused me to reflect back upon a few of the many lessons I’ve absorbed over the past year:

Meditation is a boring activity reserved for older and slower cats.  However, if you happen to be caught napping during your witch’s ritual and claim that you were actually doing this thing called “meditating”, you will manage to avoid a scolding.

Your witch’s Purification Baths should only be observed from a Safe Distance…preferably the top of the toilet or the far side of the room.

Never turn your back or tail on a candle spell.  Such spells can also be hazardous to whiskers.  Alert your witch immediately if either appendage begins smoking.

Sacred Time is whenever you want it to be… especially if there is a bell on your collar.

Your witch will occasionally require your aid in focusing magical energies during a spell or ritual.  Pretend to be interested…

AND…whenever your witch is mixing herbs, insert your face into the bowl and generously contribute ALL your magical energies in one gigantic Sneeze - thus effectively scattering the bowl’s contents to each of the Four Quarters.  Your witch will be so impressed that she will actually shout your name.

Do not attempt to play pendulum games with your witch.  It will only piss her off when you continuously manage to capture the bauble, thus winning the tournament.  (Witches, I'm sorry to say, are rather sore losers!)

There are 4 magical elements and this is what I’ve learned about each of them:  Air produces things like birds, fairies, butterflies and other fun creatures to play with.  Fire will burn your tail & whiskers, but when captured within the confines of a hearth, is soothing to gaze at for hours on end. Water is best avoided except when thirsty and Earth (often in the form of sand) is excellent for pooping. 

Tarot cards, when arranged in a pleasing pattern, make an excellent mat on which to pretend to meditate. When doing this, use your mental powers to turn your normally light and nimble body into a solid heavy mass that’s impossible to budge.  Your witch will be duly impressed and eventually reward you with pleasing treats designed to lure you off the cards.

Do not dial 911 when the moon disappears.  This happens on a regular basis - about once a month - and whoever keeps taking the moon (Probably teenagers!)  always seems remorseful and returns it within a few days.

Broom flying is a difficult skill to master.  Realizing this, your witch will be patient and provide you with daily opportunities in which to practice.  However, resist the temptation to practice when she produces a mop.  Mops are associated with the Nasty Element of Water and are beneath the dignity of any self-respecting familiar.

Every door is a magical threshold.  Never, under any circumstance or even for an instant, allow your witch to confine you to one side or the other of such a portal. Remember: It is your Right to be on the Other Side of Every Door!

That’s it for now, kittens… although I’m sure I’ll think of more accumulated Wisdom later.

Protecting Witches

Ages past… in fact, several months ago, when I was just a kitten…the older and slower cats informed me that one of my duties as a Familiar-in-Training was to protect my witch from dark entities that lurk around the house and garden.

 When they first told me this, I did not understand.  Surely my witch’s powerful magic was protection enough?  Nevertheless, I took their instructions to heart and set about my Duty.

I quickly found many such dangerous creatures rustling and hiding amongst the ivy and beneath the boxwood hedges!

My witch refers to these beings as  “baby lizards” and “Fairy Dragons”, but any Familiar knows that baby dragons grow up to be big and terrible dragons!  (I assure you – I have done my homework and read the tales!  I am, therefore, well -versed in such arcane matters.)   These diabolical cbeings must be exterminated before they can breathe fire and grow too big for kitties to wrestle with!

So, what I don’t understand is how a witch, as wise and knowledgeable as mine, can have such a soft spot for these slithering entities in their diminutive state!

I exhausted myself today, chasing and pursuing one of these potentially lethal monsters in and around the hedges.  My unsuspecting witch was at her potting bench on the porch, sticking green things in containers, totally unaware of the danger!

When I finally captured and deposited the scaly creature next to my mistress (So that she would know I was doing My Job and protecting her) she actually dropped her trowel and scooped up the little dragon!   Seeing it was still alive and only stunned, she gently deposited it in the bed of ivy beneath the pomegranate tree.  And then, she had the gall to invite me inside the cottage for some tuna!  Did she think to distract me?

Undeterred, I gave her the Look that she deserved and then started my hunt all over again!

And now I know why the older and slower cats said it’s My Job to protect her…. Because witches are soft hearted idiots!  I’ve concluded that it must be their one weakness and explains why they need a Familiar.

Ostara - the Bunny & Egg Holiday

Another holiday!  Why do witches have so many?  I’ve lived here for almost a year now and it seems like every time I twitch a whisker, there’s another celebration we must prepare for.  There’s absolutely no downtime!

This one is called “Ostara” or “Eostre” after some racy Goddess of yore.  It must have something to do with eggs and rabbits because my mistress suddenly took it into her head to position a great quantity of both, along with fresh flowers, around the house.  As if there wasn’t enough clutter already!

I will admit that, usually, her holiday arrangements are tasteful and artistic… But when she starts scattering cute little ceramic bunnies about the place, I really must put my paw down! 

I’m sure we can do better than this!

So I ventured across the road and into the hills this morning (at grave risk to life and tail) and used my incredibly sensitive nose to sniff out the real thing for her.

When I journeyed back to the front door, mewing proudly and loudly as I could past the mouthful of real bunny fur, I was fully prepared for my witch to come running out in a high state of excitement.

What I was NOT prepared for was that she would begin to throw the gardening slippers that she keeps by the door at me!

In my astonishment, I dropped the bunny.  The uncooperative creature  began to hop away.  I turned to give chase and that was when my mistress  performed the Most Unspeakable Act!  She actually grabbed me by my tail and then dumped me inside the house on the wrong side of the screen door!

She then began chasing the rabbit around the garden, flapping her apron at it.  Did she think the bunny was going to obligingly hop into her apron?  Humans are Terrible hunters!  Naturally, the rabbit got away.

Which just goes to show how much Witches need their Familiars…  Now, if only they would let us do our job!

Spring Cleaning

Good Gods! 

My witch is “Blessing” the house again!  She calls it “Spring Cleaning”.  Correct me if I’m wrong but….Didn’t we do this LAST year?

This time it involved (among the usual horrifying activities)  spreading sticky wax on the wood floors and scrubbing kitchen walls with buckets of cleaning potion that are large enough to sacrifice a cat in… namely Yours Truly!

I made myself scarce.

The fish in the pond outside amused me for a while until a rustle in the boxwood hedges distracted me. 

For those of you who are ignorant in Feline Anatomy:  my ears are ingeniously fashioned by the Gods in a manner that funnels sound and allows me to calculate the exact trajectory of an interesting noise. 

Fearlessly and without hesitation, I pounced!  

The resulting battle was of epic proportions!   (Okay, admittedly it was a very young gopher and the fight only lasted a minute, but it would have been big and mean in a few weeks and, ultimately, I won!  That's all that counts.)

I’ve often heard my witch complain of gophers ravaging her garden, so I proudly laid the result of my “Garden Spring Cleaning” on the door mat.  I also concluded  that I’d saved her trip to the grocery store. Was it unreasonable of me to expect her to shower me with praise and tuna?

However, when she stepped out the front door to call me in, the look on her face was anything BUT grateful!

I don't understand.  After all, I was only helping…

Yule

I am so mad!

Apparently last night was the Yule holiday that my witch has been telling me about.  But then this silly woman went off to join her other witch friends and celebrated it without me!

She tried to console me by saying that we could get up at dawn to watch the Yule sun rise, but I don’t see what was so special about it.  I’m up every morning at dawn and this sun didn’t look any different to me than yesterday’s sun or the one before that. 

However…

 I got my revenge while she was gone by destroying the Yule village she had set up on one of tabletops in the parlor.  Little ceramic villagers don’t run very fast, but I still had fun terrorizing them.  One of the residents, in fact, is still cowering under the sofa. I’m betting it will take her until next spring to find and rescue him!

Paper Rituals

My witch has a new hobby.  She brings objects home in bags made of paper, takes them out and proceeds to wrap them in different paper.  

 

Some of the things she brings home in the paper bags are removed and placed in different paper bags.  She then stuffs more paper on top so the items inside are buried.

When she’s done, she places them under my tree.

At first I thought it was a marvelous new game that she had created for me.  They were under MY tree after all!  So I dove into my new playthings and had a glorious time killing the ribbons and pulling the tissue paper out of each of the bags and shredding it.

However, it seems that I was, once more, mistaken.  At any rate, I was soundly scolded when she discovered the aftermath of my game.  She carefully re-wrapped the objects and found fresh tissue to stuff in the bags.  I was then warned to leave them alone.

So, I created my own “Paper Ritual” and took my frustrations out on the roll of thin paper she keeps next to the toilet.  HA!  Just wait until she finds THAT mess!

Defective Toys

I’m in trouble.

I was playing in my tree last night and accidentally knocked off and broke some of the toys my witch had hung along the branches for me.

This morning, she was quite annoyed.  She didn’t even believe me when I tried to blame the older and slower cats.

And honestly, it wasn’t my fault.  Anyone should know better than to make a kitty’s plaything out of such thin glass.  I might have cut my little paws!

A Tree for ME

My witch is WONDERFUL!

Realizing my frustration with the weather outside, she has brought a tree for me INSIDE!  Not only that, she has hung all sorts of shiny toys upon its branches for me to play with.

She must not be aware of my amazing ability to see in the dark because she also illuminated the tree with tiny lights.  I’d have explained that this was not necessary, but she went to so much trouble (and seemed so pleased with the results) that I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Diversions

Brrrrr…COLD outside!  And the sunlight hours have shrunk so that it’s dark most of the time now.   I’m going stir-crazy in the cottage, discovering new heights on the tops of bookshelves and the beams just below the ceiling. 

But my witch has cheered me up by announcing that another holiday is eminent.  She calls it Yule. 

She hauled in a bunch of boxes that were filled with things to adorn the cottage for the event.  Always willing to help, I investigated each box thoroughly and pulled out most of their contents for her. 

In the process, I may have played with a few of the items.   How was I to know that they broke so easily?

All Hallows Eve

What a busy night this was! 

It actually began in the afternoon when my witch and her cronies began decorating the front porch with big round vegetables.  Onto these, they carved assorted faces before inserting a candle into each one. 

I tried climbing into one of the vegetables just to see if I would fit. (I did.)  The witches laughed and insulted me by saying I was “cute”, so I promptly jumped out.  After that, it took an hour of bathing to get my fur clean again.

Meanwhile, my mistress and her friends scurried off to the kitchen.  Besides making a lovely pork roast for my supper, they amused themselves by concocting great quantities of popcorn balls.  I’m not particularly fond of those, but I let them have their fun. 

I was, however, curious when they proceeded to pile the balls into a large cauldron that was set by the front door.  Around dusk, when hordes of short demons began appearing on the porch, the reason for their mysterious action became clear.  The popcorn balls contained a powerful protection magic!

A demon’s attack upon the front door is apparently thwarted when one of these balls is forced upon it and, in a fit of frustration, the evil beings then disappear into the night.  My witch is so clever!

As the evening wore on, the demonic assault wound down.  I crawled out from behind the sofa.  My mistress and her cronies collapsed around the hearth.  As you can imagine, we were all exhausted from the frightening ordeal!

I was sitting in the middle of the parlor rug, dazed and reflecting on the night’s events, when one of my witch’s friends remarked, “I do believe Grimalkin sees a ghost!  Look how he’s staring toward that corner of the room.”

“Well,” smiled my own witch, “they say that cats will perceive a ghost long before a human does.”

We do?

“Nonsense!” someone else said.  “I noticed that spirit hovering over there as soon as we sat down!”

She did?

Now everyone, including yours truly, peered intensely at that particular area of the room.

“I see it too!” another witch piped up eagerly. 

I didn’t see anything… but this gave me an idea for a bit of fun.  I suddenly leaped in the air, fluffed my tail, arched my back and hissed in the direction of the “ghost” before dashing like mad from the room.  I skidded to a halt halfway down the hall, then tiptoed back and peeked around the corner at them.

The witches were all sitting very still and looking at other with eyes the size of ping pong balls.  Finally, one of them said in a hesitant voice: “I don’t think this ghost is particularly friendly.   Perhaps we should do a Cleansing?”

Target Practice

Once again, my mistress has seriously underestimated my prowess as a hunter.

 Just because I’ve never actually deposited a bird carcass at her feet does NOT mean that I am incapable of catching the twittering things!

However, she has recently installed an entire flock of imitation crows among the branches of a small tree she keeps captive in the living room.  I assume she expects me to practice my skills on these?

Hopefully in the morning, when she finds every last one of these feathered fakes demolished, she will learn to regard my abilities in this matter with the proper respect! 

Preparing for Samhain

Today, my witch started decorating for a festival she calls Samhain. 

It must be terribly important because it involves lots of boxes being hauled into the living room. From one box came long strings of skeletons that lit up with a hideous green light.  They were terribly fierce looking, but I successfully eliminated the threat before my mistress could touch them.  Their bony little arms and legs were scattered everywhere by the time I was done.

After that, I examined each item in every box and made sure it was safe for her to handle. 

There was a very suspicious looking cat that was covered with black bird feathers of all things!  My unsuspecting witch had her back turned when I discovered it.  Who knows what might have happened!  However, it is now half bald and cowering behind one of the chairs.   I’m pretty sure I rendered the demonic thing helpless before it had a chance to attack her. 

A Familiar’s work is never done!

Strange Activities

I’m beginning to suspect that witches are inherently unstable and frighteningly unpredictable.

Let me explain that my mistress is usually rather fastidious when it comes to housekeeping.  In my opinion, this is as it should be.

Yesterday, however, instead of dusting the cobwebs from the ceilings of the cottage, she actually stood on a ladder and added TO them.  And I’m not speaking about a single strand here and there... Oh no!   Great masses of webs are now strung and hung everywhere. 

And, instead of sweeping up the dead leaves tracked in from outside, she has deliberately scattered armfuls of them around the tables, across the mantle and even on her altar!

But, here’s the really odd part, kittens:  After that, she went OUTSIDE and raked up the leaves that had fallen naturally on the lawn (where they DO belong) and then tidily disposed of them.

The older and slower cats have calmly informed me that this strange madness affects my witch every year around this time.  They’ve assured me that in a week or two she will indeed recover.

I wish I could share their confidence.  I am determined to keep a very close eye on her for any further signs of suspicious activity…

My Magic Carpet

For months now my mistress has been swishing her broom around the house on a weekly basis, giving me ample opportunity to master the art of flying. 

The results, I’m ashamed to admit, have been a constant disappointment.   

HOWEVER, last night I had a revelation!

A young man was visiting and noticed my fondness for sprawling on the throw rug in the middle of the kitchen.    My mistress, as usual, was scolding me for being underfoot while she was trying to cook.  (It’s a nightly arrangement we have:  She scolds.  I sprawl and ignore her.)

The young man grabbed the edge of the rug and quickly pulled on it in an attempt to dislodge me.  I was too quick for him.  I dug in my claws and held on.  This was MY rug! 

He swung the carpet around the floor of the kitchen, with me on it, in ever widening arcs and rapid circles.  My head was spinning as fast as the carpet that I was clinging to.  What fun!   

Every time I lost my grip and tumbled off, I’d race back to the rug and hop on again!  It was The Best Game Ever!

As she neatly sidestepped our movements, my witch commented wryly, “It looks like Grimalkin has a flying carpet!”

I was so astonished that I accidentally rolled off the rug again!  Carpets can fly?

Reflecting back, I was certain that, at several moments during our game, my rug had actually left the ground.   With growing excitement, I pondered:  What if I could command it to fly by myself?  The thing was certainly easier to hang on to than a silly old broom.  (More comfortable too!)

Shortly after my mistress had gone to bed and the other animals were all snoring, I decided to test my theory.   I started at one end of the kitchen, took off at full speed, landed in the middle of the rug.

 I found myself sailing across the kitchen floor and into the living room!  It was AWESOME! 

But there I was stopped.  The damned sofa was in my way. 

Undaunted, I tried again from another angle.    I backed to the edge of the living room and sprinted to the rug.   

My rug and I were just on the verge of Lift Off when we crashed again – this time into the raised hearth of the fireplace.  I shook my head to clear the celestial vision of stars that I was seeing and climbed off the rug to analyze the situation.

The carpet had definite potential.  What we needed was more room.  So I sat and thought and then I thought some more. ..

This morning, when my witch woke and wandered out to the kitchen to make coffee, she noticed the absence of the rug.  In searching, she found it crumpled by the hearth in the next room.  She scratched her head in bewilderment and carried it back to the kitchen.

I never said a word that would enlighten her.  I didn’t even mention  the fact that I had been up all night Thinking. 

However, with YOU, dear Reader, I will share the results of my Thoughts:

I have observed that when the dog has an “accident” on one of the rugs, my mistress cleans it and then takes the rug outside to dry in the sun.  

I would hate to soil My Rug.  However, the dog is certain to be blamed for the mess and, with my carpet outside, there will be plenty of room for me to get airborn.

A Win/Win Situation, don’t you think?   

I’m going to try it!

What to do with a Sick Witch?

With an entire arsenal of potions and herbs at their fingertips, who’d ever suspect a witch could get sick?

Yet here mine is, red eyed and red nosed, hacking and coughing while filling receptacles with spent tissues that are too yucky for even a dog to dig out and play with.  All in all, it’s pretty disgusting.

The Heavens know, I’ve done my best to help! 

As she lay in bed, I parked on her chest (where the trouble seemed to be primarily located) and attempted to purr my Healing Magic into her. 

Ungrateful wretch!   She compared my delicate weight to that of a fat elephant and then had the audacity to sneeze in my face!

A kitty can only take so much.   I promptly moved out of range and onto the nice warm area where her head met the pillow.  Perhaps from here, I could influence her mind to make the body better?  I closed my eyes, meditated and purred.

My mistress was totally uncooperative.  She quickly rolled over and dislodged me.

Well!  If she insisted on refusing my help and succumbing to her illness, the least she could do was fill my food bowl first and clean the indoor box that she insists I relieve myself in!

However, when I made this gentle suggestion (pressing my nose against hers and meowing loudly to be sure she heard through her diseased haze) she only batted me away and groaned to be left alone.

And so, my fellow kittens, I ask you: What DO you do with a sick witch?  I’m at my considerable wit’s end!

Pendulum Games

My witch has been disturbed lately… pacing back and forth and brooding.  If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was expecting kittens!

Finally, tonight, she lit some candles on the altar, made some stinky smoke and got out her pendulum.  She obviously needed a fun distraction from whatever was worrying her.

For those of you who aren’t aware, a pendulum is a wonderful device that, when suspended between the fingers, swings back and forth and becomes a marvelous game for you and your witch to play together.   The game is simple:  Once it starts swinging, she tries to hang on to it and you try to snatch it away.

I watched as her pendulum dangled and sparkled in the candlelight.   Then, as it began to swing and take on a life of its own… I pounced. 

Never was a kitty as ferocious as I!  My claws ripped the helpless pendulum from her fingers and then dragged the unwary creature under the table where I swiftly proceeded to kill it.

My witch sighed and picked up its limp corpse.  Score one for ME!

She then proceeded to begin Round Two.  She held it between her fingers and stared at it…the thing began to move...back and forth and back and forth and…  I pounced again!  Once more I tore it from her grasp. This time, I made it completely across the room with my victim before she caught us.  I was  clearly winning!

In a fit of frustration, my mistress put the game back in its box.  I had no idea that witches were such sore losers!

Charm Bags

As I grow older and wiser, my witch has been gradually allowing me to assume some of the more serious responsibilities of a full-fledged Familiar.  I naturally assumed that this stage of my training would be filled with excitement and thrilling magical adventures.   Imagine my disappointment then  upon finding that certain of the tasks assigned to me are, well quite frankly, rather tedious.

For instance, tonight my mistress permitted me to accompany her to the Herb Room where she conducts most of her magic. 

As I perched on the big round altar table, she informed me that we’d be making charm bags.  My role, she said, was to concentrate my powers on the bags as she filled them, thus adding my magic to hers.  No problem!

So I focused very hard on thoughts of Friendship as she took a bag and added a  pink rock, a rose bud, a silver doodad of some sort and… I began to yawn and my eyes closed for a moment.

The next thing I knew, she’d finished that bag and started on another.  This one, she said, was for money.  I stared so hard at the bag she was filling that my eyeballs started exchanging places.   To aid myself in focusing, I recited in my head:  Money, money, money….What IS money, anyway?  My witch says money puts food in my bowl.  Does that mean you can eat it?  Oh, Look!  There’s a spider spinning a web in the corner of the room… I wonder if spiders catch money?  I bet I could catch that spider and …

“Grimalkin!” my witch said sharply.  “You’re not concentrating.”

She was right.  I was bored.  I sighed and tried again.  “Money, money, money, money, money… What a strange sounding word!...money, money, money;  I think I’m getting a headache; money, money… I forget:  What IS money ?”

Suddenly she was tying the bag up with a green ribbon and it was done.  Thank the stars!

But then she started on another!  “This one’s for Protection,” she told me. 

Right!  By this time, I needed to protect my sanity!

The little Friendship Bag next to me caught my eye.  I glanced at my mistress who was muttering an incantation as she concentrated on the bag for Protection. 

All by itself and before I could stop it, my paw twitched.  The Friendship Bag flew off the altar and landed under a chair. 

My mistress was still focused on the bag she was working on, so, in the spirit of furthering my education, I leaped after the Friendship Bag and proceeded to investigate it.  Indeed, the little bag was VERY friendly!  We played together happily for a few minutes until……  There was my witch standing over me with her hands on her hips.  

Uh oh, I thought.  Now I’m in Trouble!

But to my astonishment, she smiled as she crouched down and rescued the Friendship Bag. 

“Silly Grimalkin,” she said, lifting me back onto the table.  “I guess you need a charm bag of your own.”

A charm bag for ME? 

I watched with genuine interest this time as she slipped a Tiger’s Eye stone into one of the bags.  From the herb bundles hanging from the ceiling, she plucked a small handful of soft, grayish green leaves and stuffed those in the bag too.  What was that smell?

She tied the bag shut with a tight knot of red satin ribbon and placed in front of me.  At first I was confused.  What was I supposed to do with it?  I looked up at my witch for instruction, but she just smiled at me and waited.   So, I investigated the bag with my nose… and then sniffed again.  What WAS that smell?

My mouth opened and my eyes crossed as a dizzying wave of euphoria crashed over my head and washed through my body in the most delicious manner!  Suddenly, I was floating.  No, I was melting.

The bag wanted me to love it so I rubbed my cheeks against the fabric, releasing yet more of that intoxicating fragrance!   I flopped on my side and hugged it against my face with both paws.

Suddenly, the bag flew into the air and demanded that I play with it, so we engaged in a mock battle that sent us both rolling off the table. 

Even though her mortar and pestle, jars and grimoire all came crashing to the ground in our wake, amazingly, I heard my witch laughing!

I lay on the floor, my Charm Bag clutched in my paws, and gazed up at her.  I think I was drooling slightly.

My witch is Wonderful!  I realize that now.  She is the kindest, wisest, most powerfullest witch on earth!  I love my Charm Bag!  I love my witch!  Hello, Chair… I love you too!  And I love the rug and I love my Charm Bag and my witch and I love…. My food bowl!    Great Goddess, I’m starving!   Let me think… Which way is the kitchen again?   And after that, I think just a wee nap…   I must be exhausted from all that concentrating.

My witch isn’t tired though.  And, for some reason, she’s still laughing.  

Meditation (yawn)

Can anyone explain to me why it is that the older and slower cats only seem interested in eating and meditating? 

There they sit, usually in a little patch of sunshine, their paws tucked neatly into their chests in “Kitty Yoga Position”, their eyes at half mast and completely motionless for hours on end. 

How do they do it?

I tried meditating once.

I decided it’s highly over-rated. 

My whiskers kept twitching and, besides which, I couldn’t make my tail hold still. (I swear, the thing had a mind of its own!)   

By the time I’d twirled around enough times, caught it and managed to pin it down, the older and slower cats were extremely irritated with me.

 Psyche, the feline matriarch, even cuffed my ears before stomping away to a “More Tranquil Area of the House.”  She sternly warned me NOT to follow her!

My witch says it takes practice.  Well, the older and slower cats certainly do THAT enough!  They practice all the time. 

Boring!
I'd rather sprawl my legs out and just relax....